


Atrophy

by shinees



Category: NCT (Band), NCT 127 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BASICALLY: yutae being confused teens written in extremely detailed sad emo writing tbh, But It's Pretty Mild I Promise, High School, M/M, Mild Smut, Romance, idk anymore lol, probabl y ??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-12 04:16:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7920169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinees/pseuds/shinees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the presence of someone new can change us - and sometimes we need a reminder that we don't need to change, because we are fine the way we are.</p><p>
  <i>[AU in which a high school crush becomes a cause for sadness relayed through the differing minds of Yuta and Taeyong] </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 태용

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna be really bad !!!!!!! (i tried to keep this under 1000 words but screw that !!!! )

There was a boy from Japan named Nakamoto Yuta who slipped into Taeyong's life; unexpected, unprecedented, and unimaginably fast. 

Yuta was the kind of boy who's local school rumors attached themselves to his name. _I hear Yuta was the head of his soccer team in Japan. I heard he was popular there, and not just with the girls. I heard the teachers always wanted him as their students, and even male students asked him to prom..._

Taeyong disassociates himself from the rumors as best he can, though the students around him crave gossip and their voices carry loudly through the classrooms in a way that proves difficult to avoid. Taeyong will not allow curiosity to eat him like this, not even if he wants to know all about the boy from Japan that seems to draw attention from everyone. He lets the words fall asleep in his ears so they never have the chance to reach his brain, and he saves himself from being tangled up in a web of gossip. 

◇:◇

Taeyong has always been the type that preferred to stay inside, alone with the scent of dust being dispersed in the library's air as the spines of old books are opened after years of rest. In a stark contrast, he comes to discover that Yuta is the type to spend every moment after school getting grass stains on his school uniform, sharing in the joyful shouts of a winning team on the field. 

Taeyong envies him for a moment. He envies the way Yuta seems to be so carefree and smile with a charming vibrancy that attracts everyone, inviting people to laugh and smile and be happy with him. Taeyong envies Yuta in every way. 

Taeyong loses his balance walking on the sidewalk imagining what his life would be like if he were Yuta.

◇:◇

Taeyong never really cared for soccer all that much, neither did he consider it enjoyable to spend hours outside in the sun. Yet curiously enough, when his mother asks about the sunburn on his neck, Taeyong finds himself indulging in the truth by telling his mother that he spent the day outside watching soccer practice.

"Is my son considering of joining the team?" His mother asks with pleasant surprise lacing her voice. 

"I just might." Taeyong says, though his true intentions are only to observe from afar the new boy from Japan. 

Taeyong's sunburns get just a bit deeper in their pinkish red color as Yuta's length of time at soccer practice increases, but Taeyong doesn't want to miss a single game, so he stays.

◇:◇

It's on a sunny Wednesday when a shadow covers Taeyong face from the sun. The shadow turns out to be the cute boy from Japan, the one he is endlessly envious over and can't seem to rid of from his thoughts.

"You've been coming to all the soccer games." Yuta notices, but he says it in a way that makes Taeyong feel a warm pool of affection settle in his stomach. "Are you preparing for try-outs?"

Taeyong only replies with, "I'm not interested in sports."

Yuta consider this for a moment, confusion cutely evident in his eyebrows and the line of his mouth before he grins in realization. "You're here to watch the players from afar, aren't you?" 

Taeyong looks at his shoes instead of answering. He's been blatantly caught in the truth of the situation, never realizing how evident he must've made his intentions appear. Taeyong isn't even regretful of it, either - maybe he subconsioisly wanted Yuta to see the reason why he attended every game with sweaty palms and a longing gaze. Maybe he _wanted_ to be found out and had somehow, all this time, allowed his infatuation to cloud this realization. 

"Takes one to know one. I used to do that all the time; it's okay." Yuta says, and the sound of his boyish laughter fills Taeyong's reddening ears. 

Suddenly Taeyong doesn't care that the sun is hurting his skin and that he's failing history and that his dad is a jerk - suddenly Taeyong isn't jealous or envious, and instead it's replaced with the overwhelming feeling of _I like you_. 

It's in that moment that Taeyong looks up and sees something similar reflecting in Yuta's eyes. Then the boy bites his lip and slips his hands around Taeyong's waist; shameless and brave and bold enough to make Taeyong shiver.

◇:◇

Days go by and Yuta finally makes a move on Taeyong. It was unexpected but he didn't fight it, not when he's thought about it for two and a half weeks and counting.

Yuta figured out a time between gym class and soccer practice where the locker rooms were empty for a while, and that's when they met. Taeyong swears he's never seen anything so angelic than the sight of Nakamoto Yuta leaning against a locker with his school uniform shirt halfway unbuttoned. 

But that's not right, because the truly most beautiful thing Taeyong has ever seen is Yuta on his knees with his mouth full, pretty eyes looking up for assurance yet confidence evident all the same. Taeyong almost loses all the breath in his body at once. 

Yuta kisses him too, and his tongue is like honey; sweet and heavy in Taeyong's mouth. Taeyong thinks he tastes his own come on Yuta's lips but he doesn't complain because he likes it. 

Yuta laughs like an angel and calls him a dirty boy. Taeyong's heart races.

◇:◇

Taeyong learns something.

He learns Yuta is the sun and the moon and the stars because people admire him, his abilities, his beauty. It turns out that Taeyong wasn't the only person envious of Yuta, and that Taeyong is nothing special. 

He collapses into his bed at home and wonders what people think of him, if the strangers at school trail their eyes across his body and associate him with the beauty of the earth instead of a lonely and troubled dust storm that everyone aims to avoid in fear and resentment. 

Most of all, he wonders what Yuta thinks of him. He wonders if Yuta sees a small and weak boy like Taeyong knows he is, or if he sees something more, something better that doesn't exist.

Taeyong knows the answer and he curls the covers above his head as the tree branches scrape against his window outside.

◇:◇

Sometimes things change when you least expect them to.

The announcement is sudden and no one understands why it happens, but the weather goes from sunny to gloomy within a passing heartbeat and the students suddenly shuffle uncomfortably around the words of, _"Yuta is gone... He went back to Japan._ "

There was no notice, no warning, no reason - only a head full of confusion and unanswered questions.

Taeyong tries calling Yuta but the number is disconnected.

◇:◇

Taeyong is eighteen when he learns what it means to be used. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was rite this was rly bad !!!!!!! ouch @myself !!!


	2. 悠太

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omfg i wasnt even gonna make a part 2 until i realized how crappy chapter 1 was and i had to redeem myself

There was a boy from Korea named Lee Taeyong who made his way into Yuta's life; easily, naturally, and so incredibly perfectly.

Taeyong was the kind of boy who kept to himself when you looked at him in the hallways, staying close to the wall with his eyes to the ground. Whispers could be heard all around him, words of fire being spoken of him yet never _to_ him. _Look at him, that Lee Taeyong. I hear he's repeated this grade three times already. Did you know his mother slept around when he was born? No one knows his real father. Look at him – his shoes are worn and ripped; he's so poor._

Yuta considers the rumors for only a moment, lets them wander in his mind as he considers the boy at hand. Even if they are true, it is none of Yuta's business and he has never been one to gossip (though it doesn't stop him from being interested). He's made it a goal for his primary focus this school year to be avoiding trouble and work hard in studying. The thought of soccer try-outs have been stealing his attention for a few days now, but he isn't confident he has the necessary time to dedicate himself to soccer like he did back in Japan. It's just a hope for now, but the hope is stale and not nearly as exciting as it was when he was back home; instead, pushed to the back of his mind.

(One week into his new school and he tries out, but when he gets accepted, the joy runs down quickly.)

◇:◇

Yuta has always been the type that prefers basking outside with the sun on his skin, feeling the sweat that runs down his back and soaks into his shirt, or the water that drips into his mouth from a teammate that dumps a bottle on his head. Yuta is young when he discovers that happiness is school trousers with the knees ripped open, showing scraped skin from a good fall on the soccer field. On the other hand, from a brief observance, Taeyong seems to spend his days in quiet solitude finding peace at reading books to avoide the gaze of those around him – and for what reason is he so hesitant to acknowledge his surroundings? Is it in fear of someone speaking to him, or of confrontation? Yuta doesn’t know.

There seems to be an air of mystery surrounding the boy, and Yuta wants to figure out why. Being a transfer student has a good advantage in the sense that people are eager to help him (in which they can assess him to decide if he will be one to stay away from or to flock to), and he considers using this to uncover more information about Taeyong. Yuta almost asks around too, but he doesn't.

Yuta loves a good challenge, and Taeyong is a puzzle desperate to be solved.

◇:◇

Yuta was never an academic child. When he was four years of age, he scored his first goal while his brother won the spelling bee. Yuta preferred to be outside where he could run and jump and play of his own desire rather than sit inside and read, the activity resembling too much of homework to be enjoyable. This logic stayed with Yuta even until now as he spends most of his time outside instead of indoors. There was so much more adventure out in the open, it seemed.

It becomes curious when Yuta finds himself slowing down in the hallways between classes at the sight of the library sign in the window. Back in Japan he would have hardly given this consideration, instead continuing to walk down the hall likely without ever even recognizing the sign (but the difference is that Japan did not have Taeyong visible from inside the library's window sitting in solitude, his eyes cutely intrigued by the words in his book.)

“Never thought I'd see the day when Nakamoto Yuta considers walking into a library,” Yuta's old friend, Hina (also from Japan, another transfer student) says. Her eyes are filled with curious amusement that lightly asks for an explanation.

“Neither did I.” Yuta admits, and he softens his voice as if hes already inside the library. “I guess some things change internally when our surroundings become new.”

“Wise words, my friend. I think you're growing up.” She says, and Yuta thinks it's true.

◇:◇

He meets Taeyong on a day when the sun beats down heavily against his skin just the way he likes. The boy has a sweet voice, lower than expected with a hint of late puberty at the edges, and Yuta is smitten from the first word.

Yuta isn't blind. He sees Taeyong at every soccer practice sitting in the bleachers with no intentions of playing, and Yuta knows _why_ he's there. Struck with a sudden memory, Yuta reminisces his days as a freshman when he went to every swim practice to watch the swimmers come out of the water. Taeyong is like that nervous freshman version of Yuta, isn't he? - Coming to watch every soccer game for that same reason, and Yuta knows the reason is himself because he always feels a pair of eyes on him when he plays. 

Yuta loves the attention, and he gets intoxicated on the feeling.

That day, Yuta realizes that Taeyong has pretty eyes and lovely lips and strong looking hands that draw Yuta's mind to risky places. It is in that moment at the soccer bleachers on the day of their first meeting that Yuta vows to make an impact on Taeyong's life, one way or another, whether it be for a single day or for many years.

◇:◇

It takes several days of planning before Yuta discovers the best time to make a move. The risk of getting caught is higher than he'd like, but he is willing to take that risk if it means getting to see Taeyong in a new light.

The meeting isn't discussed prior because Yuta likes planning surprises - and more importantly, he wants Taeyong to be at his truest state of self, not prepared and presented in a way that he may think would be impressive. Taeyong walks into the gym (the only way to reach the soccer field, which Yuta calculated he'd be heading to at this time) with his backpack looking heavy, the straps on his shoulders drooping and dragging from the weight of countless library books inside. Yuta draws attention to himself by walking into Taeyong's line of sight, a walk with more resemblance to a prance as he makes his body look as enticing as he can – a sway of his hips light enough to raise attention and a quick unbutton of the top of his school uniform shirt.

Taeyong stops in his tracks (expectedly) with those beautiful eyes that widen at the sight, his pretty lips opening just enough to unconsciously tease Yuta. Their eyes meet for a moment, and it's unspoken tension that drains. 

They both know what they want.

Suddenly, it becomes an urgent tangle of clothing and limbs and skin against skin, neither of them really knowing who is going to do what (but does it even matter?). Taeyong is shaking with nerves so Yuta drops to his knees first, overcome with sudden desire that makes his skin itch. He wants to see those lips being bitten in an attempt to control a whine, or even wide open in a shameless moan. 

The weight in Yuta's mouth is heavy and solid, and the ground is hard but his knees don't hurt because he's fallen on the field so many times – but they would if not for his soccer experience. Taeyong turns out to be a whiner, soft and quiet like he tries his best to control them but not enough to keep them silenced completely. His shoulders tense at every bob of Yuta's head, and every drop of come that he swallows is another whine from Taeyong that keeps him going until his knees buckle.

Yuta wants Taeyong to know how he felt, so he kisses Taeyong with a force that leaves them both unsteady on their feet. He wants Taeyong to taste himself so he knows how wonderful he is.

Taeyong smiles into the kiss and his face is cherried red when they separate, ears and neck joining the blush, too.

◇:◇

Yuta learns something.

Yuta learns that Taeyong is an undiscovered beauty - people are not patient enough to wipe the dust off the outer layer of the diamond to see its true shine, blindingly vibrant when uncovered. Yuta isn't anything special – just a soccer player from Osaka who wasn't smart enough to excel in anything else (but Taeyong, this incredible shining diamond, looks at Yuta like he's fallen from heaven). And even so, Yuta still drew attention for his looks, while Taeyong seems to repel people with his crossed arms and closed off demeanor, a seemingly cold and unbearably shy appearance, even if his inner self is truly as warm as the summer days Yuta spent outside as a child.

He wonders why Taeyong presents himself in such a manner, what it is that has made him appear so closed off and unapproachable to others. Yuta wonders more what Taeyong sees in him– just a soccer player like he truly is, or something more? And _why?_

Yuta falls asleep thinking endlessly about _what if_ s and _maybe_ s as his mother's voice from downstairs filters upwards to his room, the clipped words of her frustration at losing her only job left in Korea being the last thing Yuta hears.

◇:◇

Sometimes things change when you least expect them to.

The announcement is sudden and Yuta's eyes widen when he hears it. It was inevitable but it still comes as a surprise when his mother says, “We must move back to Japan. My job here is gone; the company has given up after being in debt for this long. I thought we could make it here, but we can't. Not after this.”

Yuta doesn't think about the new friends he has made at school or his great soccer coach here in Korea that he knows he's going to have to leave behind. Instead, the only thing his mind can focus on is Taeyong's sad face at having hearing the news of Yuta's permanent absence.

Yuta feels like sleeping for a week straight but he doesn't because his mom needs help packing, all the things that were on shelves and in drawers that must go back into the same boxes they were once stuck in. Yuta should go to school today and say his goodbyes, let people know why, but he doesn't. Yuta should even be happy at being able to go back home to Japan and see his old friends again, but he doesn't. He can't. Not with Taeyong's face embedded into his mind like this.

He calls the school in the afternoon and informs his teacher of his departure, listening to her words of _I'm sorry to see you go, Yuta. I will send you your coursework via email for your next school to recieve._ She isn't really sorry, but Yuta is. He can only imagine what Taeyong will think – maybe that Yuta must've wanted him once for personal satisfaction, dropping him after he got what he wanted. It isn't true, but Taeyong doesn't know that. He doesn't want to explain everything either, the shame being that his mother can't hold down a proper job and how Japan is the only place they can survive because they live with their relatives for free.

Yuta is scared what Taeyong will think, so he disconnects his phone and sells it online.

◇:◇

Yuta is eighteen when he realizes what it means to be misunderstood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so like.....maybe part 3 nd 4 .soon....idk.....


	3. 가정

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im just gonn a . .....leave this her.e....

Taeyong has changed. 

He is nearly unrecognizable - taller with broader shoulders and a cigarette dangling from his lips, lavender hair falling into his darkened eyes. Taeyong has changed; the scent of dusty books no longer lingering on his skin and instead is replaced with the heavy smell of smoke and cinnamon. Taeyong has changed; he walks with an unwavering sense of confidence surrounding him, the image of a lonely teenage boy that used to consume him fading into the man he has defiantly become.

Books don't call out to him like they used to, losing more of their appeal as each year passed away. Taeyong doesn't fight the changing of his interests, and rather embraces them - being labeled as the weirdo in high school exhausted him of his joy, and if he finds his his current happiness in other things as an adult, then so be it.

The excitement he received from engrossing himself in stories on yellowed crinkled pages was now diminished into nothing. The absence was stark and Taeyong filled the empty space with beautiful men that fell to their knees at his command. He realizes now that he prefers examining the people under his bed sheets rather than the words on a page of something he'll forget tomorrow. 

Though Taeyong has changed, the same sinking and empty feeling that manifested itself in high school has yet to leave him, residing heavily in the pit of his stomach. It's lessened if only for a moment every time he makes someone underneath him twitch and cry and come, but it dissipates as quickly as it arrives. 

If it pauses his sadness for the briefest of moments though, he will continue without fail.

◇:◇

Yuta has changed, too.

In a minor way he is still the same lanky teenager that ruled high school, all eyes being naturally drawn to him with the way in which he moves or speaks. Those aspects remain, but the changes manifest in hidden places, unseen to all but himself. Yuta finds himself drowning in a life with a biting sense of dullness that taints everything he touches. Instead of compensating with over-confidence for all that he lacks, Yuta has become timid and blurred into the sidelines. People notice him once, eyes stuck on his outward appearance, then forget who he is after something better holds their attention. 

And really, Yuta doesn't mind.

The negative changes are magnified by his absence of motivation to take control of his life. The cars pass him rapidly as he trudges along the sidewalk in the same manner as life passes him by. It's so quick, too much to pause or prevent it from disappearing into the near distance - close enough to reach out to, but far enough for it to slip away in front of him. 

He has the same friends since high school, and they find unfortunate pleasure in taunting him with their memories of Yuta only a few years ago, being the _ruler of high school_ back when they were still playing on soccer fields every Monday evening instead of tending to jobs and stacks of paperwork.

Yuta's life is far different than what it was in high school - he almost finds himself wishing to go back just a few years and relive senior year because of how bleak things have grown in the present, but he does not let the dangerous thought consume him. Instead, he keeps his life busy with the mundane and necessary things, days full of work and endless duties to be fulfilled.

◇:◇

Taeyong is twenty when he sees Yuta again.

Taeyong has stayed in Seoul, never daring to move away from his home town - and more importantly, away from where the parties flourish. It is the center of every memory he has ever created, holding each recollection of books and aced tests at the school three blocks from his old house. Now, Taeyong's time is occupied in his apartment alongside Chittaphon, a younger foreigner who insists on being called Ten - a dancer who occupies the silence of their rooms with the sound of his steel toed boots hitting the coffee table, metal earrings clinking together, the soft drum of his long fingers against his collarbone in an impatient rhythm.

Taeyong stayed in Seoul, captivated by all that the city has to offer. Though, Yuta had moved to Japan after during his final year of high school, hadn't he? It seems hard to forget it. Taeyong remembers the feeling, the sudden loss of someone he had just begun to become familiar with and how he had pushed the memory to the back of his mind at every instance of it appearing. Yuta was _gone._

Yet, there he is.

Yuta, sitting delicately at the wooden coffee table with a Starbucks tea in his hand, looking delicate as he takes a sip even though he's as strong as a hammer. His slender wrists are exposed as the loose sweater sleeves fall to his forearm and he looks tired, which makes him all the more interesting - what happened between senior year and _now_ that changed his demeanor from high energy to heavy eyed? He's completely unaware of his surroundings as he focuses on his phone in front of him, blind to Taeyong standing outside the window of the coffee shop, staring inside. 

He's _back._

At the sight, Taeyong convinces himself out of the situation. They were never close to begin with, just budding romance instead - there's no reason Yuta would even remember Taeyong. There was no lasting impression made. At this, Taeyong releases his hand from the doorknob of the coffeehouse and walks away, heading his way home with the thought of Yuta weighing heavy in his mind, never letting himself be seen. 

_What is he like these days? Does he still play soccer? Are his friends still in contact with him? Shouldn't he be in Japan? Why is he here?_

_Does he still want me?_

◇:◇

Yuta is twenty when he sees Taeyong again.

It begins in the form of a text from an old friend - Jaehyun? - who offers him an invitation to an upcoming party. _Bring some drinks, some guys, something fun, just keep it lowkey_ the message had said, yet Yuta cannot bring himself to find any interest in going. Not until Jaehyun senses the hesitation and adds another message in an attempt to influence him. 

_You can catch up with old friends from high school, since most of us stuck together after graduation. Think of this as a 'welcome back to Korea' party. You'll see a lot of familiar faces._.

His breath seems to pause for a moment at the words on his screen, memories of only a few months spent at a foreign high school coming back to flood the surface. 

There is one memory that is the most prevalent.

How could Yuta forget? It was the sounds Taeyong had made, the faces of pleasure that had been expressed, and the vulnerable state that Yuta had been entrusted with seeing. Such a memory could never be dissolved so easily. 

Without any thought behind it, he sends a message to Jaehyun, saying _yes, i will be there. thank you_. He said it because he wants to see Taeyong, because he wants to be reunited, because he misses that pretty face and shy smile.

He said it because it felt right.

◇:◇

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fuCk wwas th i S
> 
> (prepare 4feelings in chapter four mAybe b,ut nno promises)


End file.
